huah. harusnya saat ini gue belajar mavek… ato ngerjain tugas besar strukdat (eh.. madat ding). tapi apa boleh buat… seorang rnest tetaplah rnest: sekalinya terinspirasi, ngga terbendung keinginannya buat ngeblog. hahaa.

well, tadi pagi waktu baca blog seorang teman, suatu pemikiran melintas di otak gue:
you can always dream big (in fact, you must).
but there will be times in life when you realize that you can’t have it all,
and you have to decide which part of your dream to let go.

hmm… I don’t know about you, tapi gue termasuk orang yang banyak maunya; dalam artian, gue ingin bisa melakukan, menguasai dan meraih banyak hal. gue merasa mampu dan sayang kalau kemampuan itu ngga dipergunakan dan dikembangkan. nyatanya, gue bukan manusia super. I’ve got my limits, just like everyone else got theirs… and in the end, gue harus rela menutup pintu bagi sebagian keinginan yang gue punya.

Apakah melakukan itu berarti menyia-nyiakan dan ngga mensyukuri kapasitas diri kita?

Yah… the way I see it now, bisa meraih banyak hal itu memang menyenangkan… tapi rasanya ngga akan se-menyenangkan itu jika toh tangan kita ngga benar-benar meraih tingkat teratas. I’d rather be given only two towers tapi berhasil menikmati pemandangan indah dari kedua puncaknya, daripada punya sepuluh menara yang ngga satupun pernah gue tapakkan kaki di tingkat teratasnya. (blah.. ribet perumpamaannya)

Begitulah.. gue kembali diingatkan untuk konsisten sama prioritas gue dan ngga gampang melayang ke sana kemari karena pengen nyoba segala sesuatu. hehe. masa muda emang saat paling tepat buat mengembangkan potensi diri en mencoba berbagai hal baru. still, i don’t wanna end up realizing i haven’t achieved anything meaningful at all.

life’s about sacrifices. It sounds harsh, but yeah.. you can’t really have it all. ’tis not a fairytale world, right? ^_*

———————————————————–
Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don’t ask why.

It’s not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

- cheers to all - 

Tidbits of Life | Comments (3)

Oh Mamia Oh Bokap

Thanks to Firman yang udah ngasih tau gue kalo sebenarnya lagu ini
didedikasiin buat bokap sang penulis. Kalo ngga, gue bakal terus
mengira bahwa ini hanya satu dari kebanyakan lagu cinta because of Mbak
Celine Dion yang nambahin kata "baby" di sela-sela lagu. Huehehekh.

Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith cause you believed
I’m everything I am because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand, I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

Kenapa tiba-tiba nge-post lirik lagu Celine Dion ini? Hohoho. Sebenarnya udah lama pengen posting lirik lagu ini. Berhubung belakangan kangen BoNyok en tadi abis dapat pencerahan dari nyokap, jadilah gue post malam ini.

Kenapa bisa tiba-tiba kangen… kenapa tiba-tiba perlu pencerahan.. ceritanya panjang.

Intinya adalah, ketika gue bicara sama nyokap di telepon kira-kira sejam yang lalu, gue tersadar akan satu hal. Kenapa gue selama ini selalu ngerasa ngga tenang, ngga puas, ngga punya motivasi, ngga yakin, dan semua yang ngga-ngga… halah. Jawabannya ternyata sederhana. Gue terlalu sering berorientasi pada diri gue sendiri.

Ketika gue ngga tau apa tujuan gue… dan gue merasa ngga meaning mengikuti kuliah dan semua kegiatan gue yang lain… Tanpa gue sadari, pikiran-pikiran yang semua subjeknya adalah AKU itu udah buat gue lupa sama DIA. (haduh. berat. ^^) Seperti kata nyokap gue di telepon tadi: "Mama juga dulu waktu kuliah ngga punya gambaran mau jadi apa. Tapi Tuhan udah tempatkan Mama di kampus, dan Mama punya tanggung jawab buat melakukan yang terbaik di situ."

Hmm.. kalo dipikir-pikir, kenapa jugaa gue harus bingung. what you do is what you get in return kan. buat apa pusing mikirin bakal jadi apa, kira-kira apa yang akan terjadi nantinya.. selama kita bekerja dengan baik, pasti kita bakal dapat hasil yang baik. ngga pernah kan orang nanam stroberi, yang tumbuh durian?? (hehehe.. yang suka durian pasti mengerutkan kening baca majas gue. haha.)

Huaaaa… *mengingat semua waktu yang udah terbuang… semua mood jelek yang mungkin udah bikin orang lain susah… (hohoho.. memperbuas keadaan) … semua jajanan yang jadi pelampiasan ke-ngga-karuan pikiran gue… Hehehekh.

He-eh.

Udah ah. Saatnya me-MaDat-kan diri.

- cheers to all -

Tidbits of Life | Comment (0)

katanya jangan kebanyakan ketawa…
nanti ujung-ujungnya nangis.

belakangan kenapa jadi begini…

 

aku mau tertawa.
ngakak.
terpingkal-pingkal.
sampai sakit perut…
sampai tak sanggup untuk bersuara…
sampai harus ditenangkan karena ngga bisa menahan kikik tawaku…
tanpa khawatir beberapa saat kemudian masalah datang
dan buat pipiku basah (lagi).

——————————————————————–

… dan tiap kali gembira mengetuk pintuku,
aku berlari menyambutnya,
melompat penuh semangat.
lalu aku menyadari kehadiran gundah
yang berdiam di sudut ruangan..
dan langkahku menjadi berat.
matanya menyeringai ke arahku…
seolah berkata: jangan senang dulu.

——————————————————————–

- cheers to all -

Mood Swings | Comment (0)

Iseng Dini Hari

Warning: this post was written at the time most people are supposed to be in bed. If you find any part of the contents "not-clear", "frown-causing", "head-aching", "suspiciously-not-rnest-bgt"… ha-rap-mak-lum. hahaa.
 

If I were an element (water, fire, air, earth)… I’d be fire. Menghangatkan. Memberi penerangan. But don’t misuse me.. unless you want me to burn.

If I were a color… I’d be red. Enough said. (*.*)

If I were a season… I’d be autumn. Almost time to start drinking hot chocolate with speculoos. Imagining the sound of the fallen leaves caused by my feet as I walk, dance, jump around… somehow awakens the spirit in me. Beauty, even when everything seems to lose life. Berwarna, in its own colorful way. Comfortable. Calm. Inspiring.

If I were a day of the week… I’d be Wednesday. For reasons only I know.   

If I were a country… Yunani. Negara penuh sejarah.. penuh misteri.. penuh cerita.. penuh legenda. Not to mention the good food (teteup..), warm weather, beautiful islands, fortresses, temples, hiding places…  

If I were a member of the family… a loving aunt with lots of nieces and nephews… whose bag always has little surprises for them… who visits them occasionally to read them stories, take them to the park, buy them ice cream… who gets phone calls from them saying: "Auntie, when are you coming to see my new doll?"… (huaaa.. kapan gue dikasih keponakan??? hehehe.)

If I were food… I’d be a smoked beef mushroom tomato omelette served with french fries, salad, mayonnaise and… sambal botol. hahaa. with chocolate mousse for dessert, s’il vous plait. (huuu.. lapeeerr)

If I were a pair of shoes… sepatu kanvas dengan tali berglitter warna-warni yang karena panjangnya "terpaksa" diikat di pergelangan kaki hehehe (sounds familiar, eh?)

If I were a book… Le Roman de Ma Vie. It’s a book you’re supposed to fill in yourself about your life. But it’s not like the usual diary or journal that you write in everyday and change every once in a while. It takes lifelong to write this book and in the end, it would be like an autobiography.
        My mom has two books like this (one’s about herself, the other’s about her marriage life), and I remember wanting to have one as a little girl. I always wanted to write in her books, and mom would say: "Come on, I’m the one who’s supposed to fill them." (he-eh, as far as I remember, she never really has time to write in them)
        I finally got my book in 2005, as a prize from Tournoi d’Eloquence. There were a lot of great books I could choose from at the time, but I already wanted this book so much.

If I were a shop… I’d be a cozy old shop in a small town.. selling vintage.. unique decors and ornaments.. or old books in wooden shelves.. or perfumed stuff for aromatherapy.. haha. gini nih. ngga bisa nentuin pengen jadi toko yang jual item tertentu apa.

If I were a cake… I’d be chocolate truffles… or chocolate chip cookies.. or classic brownies.. or fruit pie.. (haduh. ini menggambarkan diri yang lapar ato gimana?? heheh.)
        Seriously. I’d be chocolate truffles.

If I were a voice… I’d be the voice of a little girl chanting her prayer before she goes to bed at night..

If I were a letter… I’d be a letter from an old friend… hand-written (knowing myself, there’d be tip-ex here and there ;-)…) on a piece of soft colored paper… the letter would be of good news, good humor, good stories… oh, and perfumed paper would be preferable. hehekh. wangi bunga yang lembut… bunga melati.

If I were a bed… kan. jadi pengen tidur. apa aja deh… queen sized bed… bunk bed juga boleh (itu lho.. tempat tidur dua tingkat)… tapi dari kayu warna cerah… atau futon (tempat tidur orang Jepang)… the bedsheets would be white or light green, blue or pink… bedcover’s would have colors in accordance with the sheets.. dengan dua bantal kepala dan minimal satu bantal guling. huaaaah. ngebayanginnya jadi ngantuk.. 

If I were miss universe… Rolling On The Floor Laughing. Huh? Me? You sure you got the right person, la? Hehehekh. If I were miss universe, I’d be a blast. Haha. I’d ask people have more concern and act more for worldpeace, children and women’s rights and protection, better environment, proper education for everyone and cultural heritage.

If I were a cartoon character… pengennya:

Minako!!! Kan kedengerannya rada mirip tuh, ama Kumiko. Hehehekh. *maksa.

Yah.. baca aja profileny di sini.

If I were myself… me. spesifikasi ngga jelas. haha. kadang bunglon.. kadang batu.. kadang matahari.. halah. go see for yourself-lah.

- cheers to all -

Tidbits of Life | Comment (0)

Cerita Tentang Si Diri

Pertanyaan sebenarnya: "Siapakah aku?"
Sering muncul dalam bentuk lain seperti: "Coba sebutkan kebaikan dan keburukan dirimu!" atau "Nanti setelah kuliah, apa yang mau kamu lakukan?" atau "Coba perkenalkan dirimu dengan gaya seunik mungkin!" atau "Kamu orangnya cenderung begini atau begitu?" atau mungkin "Kalau kondisinya begini, apa tindakan kamu?"
(bah.. *ala Uthe hehe*, kok kebanyakan pertanyaan wawancara divpro sih?)

Entah gue doang yang begini, atau emang pertanyaan singkat "Who am I?" seringkali lewat begitu aja dan nggak ditindaklanjuti lebih jauh. Mungkin karena gue merasa udah kenal diri gue sendiri, sampai akhirnya gue dihadapkan pada situasi yang membuat gue mengambil langkah mundur, melihat apa yang udah gue katakan atau lakukan, merasa ada sesuatu yang mengganjal dan akhirnya bertanya pada diri gue sendiri: "Hey, what’s wrong with you? Is this really what you wanted?"

Belakangan gue baru menyadari bahwa pernyataan: "You think you know me, but you have no idea.." ternyata ngga cuma berlaku buat orang-orang di sekitar gue, tapi juga buat gue sendiri. *ouch

You might be asking, "So what?"

 

Well, in fact (for me at least), pertanyaan tadi jadi kerasa penting when we reach a point where we don’t know what we want to do in the future anymore… ketika kita merasa melakukan sesuatu dengan sepenuh hati, namun di satu sisi selalu merasa something’s missing… ketika everything in your life just slips through your fingers like sand; no matter how hard you try, they just escape your hold..

Jawaban pertanyaan pembuka tadi menurut gue jauh lebih dari sekadar prinsip hidup. Menurut gue - selain tetek-bengek soal kebaikan, keburukan, visi dan misi - pertanyaan tadi juga menuntut jawaban tentang bagaimana kita akhirnya bisa menerima diri kita sendiri dan menghargai setiap bagian diri kita, sehingga kita bisa menerima dan menghargai orang-orang di sekitar kita dengan benar.

Fiuh. See, why filling the "About Me" part of my profile sometimes seems like the hardest thing to do? Hehehe… Ngga gitu juga sih.. cuma memperbuas keadaan. Huks.

Anyway. Postingan ini inspired by pernyataan Michelle kemaren… ("gue baca tulisan-tulisan loe trus gue mikir: gila, nie anak kok jadi serius gini?" hehehe) dan error sementara yang menyerang gue waktu rapat sore tadi. *setelah dipikir-pikir, kayaknya sering2 error tuh baik buat kesehatan gue deh. haha.

Wishing everyone a niiiice day, night, whatever time you’re reading this.

- cheers to all -

Uncategorized | Comment (0)

ever had a friend who you thought you could trust but then turns out to be someone who talks $#!* about you behind your back?
* capek ya bo, baca kalimatnya? haha.

I guess I’m a little disappointed. Gue ngga bakal nyebut merek di sini dan di mana pun.. Yah, kalo kebetulan orangnya baca dan ngerasa dirinya itulah yang udah bikin gue sakit hati… know that I understand completely why you acted like that and said things no real friends are supposed to say. You don’t need to know where I heard all this stuff from… They’re called true friends.

Anyway. Gue lebih menghargai kejujuran. I’d rather people talk harsh in front of my face than have others tell me that someone I appreciate had said improper stuff about me when I hadn’t been around.
Dan meskipun katanya cuma becanda.. tetap aja, ada hal-hal yang (at least, in my opinion) ngga pantas dibecandain.. apalagi di depan orang lain.

he-eh. yak, maaf kalo ada kesalahan grammar, ketidakjelasan content dan maksud dari post kali ini, serta ketidakurutan alur penyampaian. Halah.

Hope everyone’s doin’ okeh.

- cheers to all -

Mood Swings | Comments (5)