私は愛にある
… hingga kini ia masih tak bisa mengerti.
Kenapa? Kini tanpa sadar ia mengaitkan segala sesuatu dengan Takumi. Tiap kali ia selalu mencemaskan Takumi. Lalu selalu merasa Takumi sangat… sangat sempurna. Seperti hamparan laut yang begitu indah, begitu dalam, begitu menenangkan. Selalu merasa dirinya tak pantas untuk menyelami laut itu.
Aku tak tahu harus berbuat apa. Kumiko seperti bintang yang kehilangan sinarnya. Pendar di matanya terus menyimpan tanya. Bisik di hatinya selalu diakhiri satu nama.
Suatu kali ia bertanya padaku, "Kenapa ketika akhirnya aku menemukan aikyou, semua yang kulakukan terlihat salah?"
Aku menatapnya. Lama. Kemudian, sambil berusaha menyembunyikan kegusaranku sendiri, aku berkata, "Kumiko, mungkin itu hanya perasaanmu saja. Mungkin, kali ini pun seperti tiap kali lainnya kau terlalu merisaukan sesuatu."
Kumiko terdiam. Lama. Ia lalu memanggilku. "Kau tahu?" ujarnya.
"Apa?"
"Ingatkah, ketika aku berkata, jika kita berani jatuh cinta, kita harus siap untuk patah hati."
"Hmm.."
"私は愛にある. Tapi aku tidak siap patah hati."
"Kau juga pernah katakan, jika kita tulus menyayangi seseorang, kita hanya memikirkan yang terbaik baginya. Jika kau bukan yang terbaik untuknya, kau akan dengan lapang dada pergi darinya."
Kumiko terdiam. Lama. Akhirnya ia bersuara, bisiknya menyayatku, "Aku belum siap patah hati."
… tentang Kumiko.
- cheers to all -
Mood Swings | Comments (6)Oh, that’s my house!
29 Juni 2007, about 17.50, 4 hari sejak Tasia kembali menginjakkan kaki di Medan.
Lokasi : dalam mobil, di jalan depan rumah.
Nyokap lagi bersiap buat masukin mobil ke halaman depan rumah, ketika Tasia yang duduk di depan baru menyadari satu hal…
"Oh.. Tasia baru tahu pagar depan rumah kita udah digituin!" (ganti warna jadi orange, - red. Don’t even think of asking me what color it was before. I have no idea.)
Nyokap : "He-eh.."
Wana : "Ya ampuuuun.. baru tahu?!"
Lalu Tasia berkata dalam hati, "Ya maap.."
Tidbits of Life | Comment (0)- Just Wondering -
Things ain’t changed here.
I guess it’s just me,
and my little thoughts of …
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Back home
- outage for at least six hours a day. thank you, PLN. we really appreciate all those efforts you’ve done to fulfill our need for electricity. (oh, by the way, I said that in a cynical tone)
- missing certain people, stuff, situation, whatever you may call it. almost driving my sister crazy because I just can’t seem to stop talking about these things. =)
- munchies at least five times a day, which of course has no significant impact on my standing on the balance every day.
- feeling like I’m miles away from the real world. I guess I better start watching the news again.
- almost everyone commenting on how I should gain weight, how my skin has taken a darker tone, and how I should change my not-so-healthy-life-cycle.
- wondering now whether I should go outside and start counting the stars.. wishing the brightest one would fall as I do so..
happy. clueless. slightly bored. uneasy. grateful.
hope everyone else is doing super fine. =)
- cheers to all -
Maaf, Mas Khronos Lagi Ngga di Tempat.
Did you say everything you could?
Do the things that you thought you would?
Did it ever occur to you that this could be your final day?
…
Did you inspire the ones that you knew?
Make a difference to those who knew you?
Did you finally figure out what it is that makes us who we are today?
Did You - Hoobastank
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Adakah kau ingin terbang bersamaku ke masa itu?
Untuk tidak melakukan apa yang telah kaulakukan?
Untuk melagukan sesuatu yang tak sempat kauucapkan?
Ataukah kau memilih melewati masa ini dan pergi ke saat nanti?
Untuk melihat senyummu hari ini tetap ada di tempatnya?
Untuk memastikan mereka semua baik-baik saja?
Usually, people wish they could turn back time supaya bisa memperbaiki kesalahan-kesalahan yang pernah mereka perbuat di masa lalu.
Gue.. gue pernah, mungkin sering, ingin menghilang dari masa ini dan kembali ke masa lalu. Tapi tidak untuk mengubah sedikit pun yang pernah gue lakukan dulu, meskipun itu kesalahan yang sangat besar. Why? Because I realize that those mistakes make me who I am today.
And who am I today? A 19 year old whose life is as beautiful as one might define the word ‘beautiful’. (artinya.. segala sesuatu itu relatif. ngga ngerti? sama. hehehe)
If I decided to go to my past and redo some things I had done, my life might not be the way it is now. And so far, despite some imperfect scenes, I like the way my life goes now.
kLo gitu, kenapa gue kadang berpikir ‘tuk terbang ke masa lalu?
As I once said, I’d love to go back in time and place… not to correct something bad I’d done, but to relive the good moments I’d had.
Yah.. mungkin memang pada akhirnya ada satu hal yang ingin gue perbaiki di hidup gue dulu: sikap gue yang terlalu cuek. - lho?? kayak sekarang ngga aja.. =P - *still trying.. haven’t yet given up. ;-)*
And what if I had the chance to fast-forward the time and move to the future?
Well, meskipun gue sering ngga sabar dan suka ngintip ending suatu novel sebelum selesai membaca semua bab yang ada… I wont’ do the same thing with the novel of my life. =P
Mungkin menyenangkan, bisa melihat jawaban dari doa-doa gue. (kLo kw baca ini ceko, mengertilah bahwa sodaramu ini memang suka ngga sabar tapi saran 4 bulanmu tetap dipertimbangkan. Hahaha)
Tapi ntar hidup gue ngga seru lagi. I’d already know the ending to the movie of which the main actress is no other than me. Then making decisions, daydreaming, having hope, other people’s words and gestures would lose their charm. There would be no more worrying about whether I’d done the right thing, no more fussing over "why did he say that?", no more questioning what would bring the most benefits to all, etc.
In short, there would be no more fun in anything I do.
Kenyataannya, peri waktu itu ngga ada. Mesin waktu itu cuma di film. Adegan-adegan di hidup kita ngga bisa di fast-forward, apalagi di rewind.
Yang bisa kita lakukan terhadap masa lalu kita, adalah belajar darinya. And all we can do for our future, is have hope and live our present life to the fullest.
Seperti yang tertera di hampir semua buku perkenalan angkatan STEI 2006, hal 27, sebelah kanan bawah, bagian motto hidup: Hidup cuma sekali. Mending kLo hidup cuma sekali, dan panjang masanya. Yang ada, hidup cuma sekali dan kita ngga tahu kapan berakhirnya. Bisa besok, 70 tahun lagi, sesaat setelah menghadapi UAS (apa coba..), atau bahkan dua detik lagi. You decide whether you want it to slip away seperti pasir dalam genggaman, or you want it to be some sort of masterpiece. Halah… mulai ngga jelas.
Anyway, I’m sure you all got the point. 
Have a great vacation everyone!!!! Btw, Khronos tuh nama dewa waktu.
- cheers to all -
Uncategorized | Comment (1)Heaven Sent
Most people don’t realize it when they do simple things that brighten someone else’s life… I think.
I call them heaven sent : angels in the form of human.
People whose words soothe my restless self.
Those whose gestures bring out the sun in me.
People who naturally make me want to become a better person every day.
The more I get to know them, the clearer I see how good God has been to me : having given me the chance to have these people as part of my life.
I just wish… I just wish I knew a better way of showing them how much I respect them.
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Akhirnya… semua ujian selesai sudah.
Aku mau pulang.
I miss home so badly. I can already feel the cold floor tiles of my house underneath my feet; the warmth of my brother as we give ourselves a big hug. And then I picture myself spending hours and hours burning down the play station with my brother… from before my parents leave for work ’til they come back home for lunch (or else, until I feel great pain in my head for having played too much).
And the highlight of my vacation would be the fact that the whole family from my mother’s side would come to Medan.
What I love from big families (les harmonieuses, s’il vous plait) is its spirit. You’d never feel lonely. You’d still have different types of people, with unique habits of their own, around the dining table. (okay, with the number of people in my mom’s family, no dining table is really big enough for everyone).
I enjoy observing how someone could be a total fotocopy of their mom or dad. Haha. This reminds me of a scene in one of Gilmore Girls’ episodes. There was Rory sitting on a bed, observing how her mom and grandma applies facial lotion in the exact same way. And then Rory thought that she’d end up doing the same thing when she grows up.
Anyway, the most important thing is that you’d always always have somewhere to go, in harsh times or good times.
Menyenangkaaan.
Wishing everyone a niiiice vacation. And for those who haven’t yet passed their exams, good luck. xP
- cheers to all -
Tidbits of Life | Comment (1)