Chronology of the Broken Hearted
Love doesn’t need to possess. I liked to use this quote to cheer myself up whenever I had a broken heart. Most of the time, the quote only calms me for five minutes.
On the 6th minute, I begin to wonder why I cannot be the one reining his heart. Besides, I can’t stand loving and not being loved in return. It sounds selfish, but hey, ’tis not a fairytale life, right?
On the 8th minute, another quote pops up in my head. There are still many fish in the sea.
Cool. Not only are there a lot of guys in the world, but there might also be a better one than the heartbreaker. Who needs to waste time thinking of a guy who’s out of reach when there might be nicer ones just around the corner? This thought makes me smile.
Then on the 11th minute, my smile disappears and I start to frown. Sure, there are a lot of fish in the sea. But there’s only one that I want and it is he. The problem’s not the number of guys available in the world, but THE guy I really like - the one I want. It’s just like a child screaming in a supermarket, demanding his mom to buy him a toy. The his mom suggests that they go eat pizza instead of buy the toy. Well, mom might be able to afford a lot of nicer things than the toy, but the child’s heart is already stuck with the toy. He doesn’t care about anything else.
Finally, on the 15th minute, I give up. $%@*!! To hell with all these thoughts about him.If we’re not meant to be together, fine. I’d move on. If you haven’t realized it, I have a life to live, by the way.
Then I continue my day.
However, when I wake up the next morning, all I could see in my mind is his nice smile. And then I’d crawl back inside my blanket and dream about him.
What a life love makes you live. Duh.
Je sais que je suis amoureuse de toi, mais je ne veux pas l’avouer, meme pas a moi. Pourquoi? Ben, je me le demande, a moi aussi…
… mais oui, c’est toi, la raison. Toi non plus, tu ne veux pas avouer que tu m’aimes, n’est-ce pas? =p
We’re even. Et je t’adore.
==== it’s just for fun ^_^ ====
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… forgive me, my friends… but it’s been a long time since i’ve posted in french… and i miss it, so…
19 ans. pfff… ces deux chiffres me rappelle qu’un jour tout sera fini.
je ne sais pas ni l’heure ni la place, mais je m’envolerai…
et si je devais partir demain?
serai-je pret?
est-ce que je serai contente de finalement pouvoir m’en aller?
je ne sais pas ce qui m’a pris ces derniers temps.. mais je me sens vraiment, vraiment mal.
mal au coeur, mal a l’aise… mal partout.
enfin, j’ai encore raison a sourire quand meme: ma mere viendra me visiter demain avec mon frere. c’est tout a fait ce dont j’ai besoin : un visage bien aime… une personne qui me comprend 100% (enfin, il arrive que nous nous disputons parfois.. mais serieusement, rien ne peut remplacer l’amour de ta mere..)
on verra, hein.. si les choses s’arrangent bien ce weekend.
en tout cas, je ne veux pas me sentir triste pour longtemps. :):)
Quel Cauchemare…
Almost a week ago, I had one of the most terrifying nightmares in my life. Picturing it again makes me shudder.
Gue nggak begitu ingat awal mimpinya. Yang pasti, gue dan seorang temen menyaksikan pembunuhan (atau bunuh diri?? Ga yakin…) seseorang. Tempatnya gelap, ada beberapa pohon… perhaps it was in a park, or even a forest? Anyway, next I saw a lot of people coming. They were obviously outraged by the death. Then they started questioning me and my companion… dan hal berikutnya yang gue ingat, gue dikubur hidup-hidup… dipaksa mati.
Ampun deh… I can still feel the fear creeping inside me when I was lying in the coffin. Gue ingat, waktu itu gue berdoa minta nyawa gue langsung dicabut aja daripada gue harus terbaring sendirian entah sampai kapan di dalam peti itu. I tried to hold my breath, thinking that it would make me die, but it was useless. Yang lebih aneh, semua orang di “rumah duka” itu kelihatannya nggak peduli dengan kenyataan bahwa sebenarnya gue masih hidup. They seemed rather relieved that I was dead.
Later on, mungkin karena merasa udah nggak ada orang di sekitar peti gue, gue berusaha merusak tutup peti gue (dipukul, ditinju, ditendang, segala cara deh…) Finally, gue berhasil! (namanya juga mimpi ya… sampe orang kayak gue berhasil ngedobrak peti mati gue sendiri…) Ternyata di tempat itu, ada dua peti lain selain peti gue. Tau deh isinya siapa… I didn’t look into those coffins.
Yang berikutnya gue lakuin adalah… lari. Waktu gue mau keluar pintu, ada seorang cewek (mungkin yang ditugasin jaga tempat itu… tapi kasian amat, ditugasin jaga peti mati ????) yang masuk. I was afraid that she would prevent my escaping and before I realized it, I had killed her.
And then I ran… First, I thought of meeting my family. But I didn’t dare because I remembered how people seemed so happy about my death. So I ran to the streets. It was dark, and it was raining. The street looked gloomy and uninviting. I didn’t know where to go.
I just ran…
and ran…
Until I woke up on my bed, feeling totally scared.
‘til now I don’t understand the meaning of this dream (anyone? please?)… so I’m not sure how it really affects me yet. Yang pasti, gue bete abis kalo ngeliat suatu makhluk hidup (entah manusia, ayam… anything that breathes) dikubur idup-idup (kebetulan sepupu gue pernah cerita, kalo di film Osama ada adegan orang dihukum mati dengan dikubur idup-idup). Kalo hukuman tembak mati… mungkin masih bisa diterima, kali ya… kalo yang dihukum itu udah menyebabkan kematian banyak orang.
Masalahnya, kalo dikubur idup-idup kita ngga langsung mati. Kita kesepian dulu di dalam peti mati, di dalam kegelapan. (Tapi mungkin kalo dikuburnya langsung ditimbun tanah, nggak pake peti… langsung mati kali ye???)
He-eh… serem amat topik blog gue kali ini… This dream just gives me a sort of blur point of view on life… and perhaps death now.
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